Dream of Upasni

A week or so ago I moved my bed into a small room in my house. This opened up a medium sized room for the creation of an office and sacred space for my massage and bodywork practice, and to meet with doula clients. In my five years as a licensed therapist, I have never had a space that is solely dedicated to my practice. I have always rented someone else's space that they designed, or made do in someone else's home or my bedroom.

Intentionally creating this space in my physical home seems to have also created a sense of spaciousness in my inner world.

Upasni appeared in this room. He looked similar to how he does in this picture. Not wearing much, rock solid in his presence with a serious demeanor. He was carrying a oval shaped, with pointed ends, rock in his hands with carved out holes all through it. He had a special incense that he was burning in these holes. He said there were seventy-two, and that this number was significant. Visually it looked more like there were seven and two holes, but the details were a bit blurry. He stared at me with austere focus and requested that I receive his blessings, and that the work I do in the world be done with his blessings.

I felt simultaneously afraid, yet relieved at his presence in my room. I remembered and felt all I knew about Upasni, and his immensely potent approach to the process of awakening.

Which is: if you loose it, if you are suffering, if you are on the street and hungry: Good. The closer you then come to what is real, what is True and immortal. I felt my fear around taking the risk of potentially not 'getting' all that I 'want' in this lifetime. I felt my fear around fully committing to a spiritual path, knowing what that entails as far as ego-annihilation. Upasni looked at me through all of this, seeing through my circular thought-trains and traps. He just stood there, witnessing. I accepted him.

I slowly accepted within myself all that he archetypally represents of me, of my tendencies since childhood in this lifetime towards a sincere desire for God, for Truth, for the Love that knows no end. Upasni was inviting me to accept and dance with this. To celebrate it in the world, to come out of hiding. And in not hiding, to offer my work in this spirit, to be willing to be in authentic exchange. To hold a space, literally and figuratively, for others to begin to gradually journey inward and uncover their own Truth.

Or, perhaps it will all fall apart. Good. This is the practice. Being in the success of the moment, being in the rhythm of the world, and letting go of what that looks like or doesn't look like. From this place of Being, the only actions taken are those supported by the greater Whole.

The rest was lost somewhere in the space between Upasni's piercing eyes and mine, letting it all in.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Upasni_Maharaj